A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
