4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
