The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
