Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
