I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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