she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
