Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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