Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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