Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
