If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
