Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
