So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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