i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
