You're my little dorito
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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