I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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