Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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