you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You know, be my cock's hype man.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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