Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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