yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
