i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
