i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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