youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
