I'm drive I can fine osifer
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
