shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It's rum buckets o'clock
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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