No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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