Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
