pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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