meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
