She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
