So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
