I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He passed out mid-signature
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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