omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
