She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
3 2 1 whiskey
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
