I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
