Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
