If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
