You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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