dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
