we have officially mastered the walk of shame
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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