it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You're breaking my sexual little heart
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
