If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
