Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
organizing the empties. That sober.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
