I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
