there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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