come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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