White coat. Heels.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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