I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
