You can't motorboat a personality
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
