I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
