Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
