He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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